Worried about someone's drinking

How do I talk to someone about their drinking?

Choose a quiet, private time when they're sober, and tell them calmly what you've noticed and why you're worried.

• Pick a time without interruptions. A walk or a drive, side by side, can feel less confronting than sitting face to face.
• Start with care: “I've been worried about you.”
• Talk about specific things you've seen: “I've noticed you've been drinking more since you changed jobs.”
• Use “I” statements about how you feel, rather than “you always…”.
• Ask questions, and listen to their side.
• Have some information ready, like this guide or a support line, in case they want it.

Focus on their health and wellbeing and on what you've seen, not on judging them.

What should I avoid when raising someone's drinking?

Avoid anything that feels like an attack. It tends to make people defensive and less likely to talk.

• Don't raise it when they've been drinking, or when you're angry.
• Don't use labels. Talk about the drinking and how it affects things, not about what kind of person they are.
• Don't lecture, blame or threaten.
• Don't go through their phone, messages, belongings or bank records looking for proof. It damages trust.
• Don't expect one conversation to fix everything.

What if they don't want help with their drinking?

That's common, and it doesn't mean the conversation was wasted. People often need time to think about it.

• Let them know you're happy to talk again whenever they're ready.
• Check in later, without pressure.
• Offer to help them find someone else to talk to, like a GP, or to go with them.
• Keep doing things together that don't involve alcohol.

You can also set boundaries, like not having alcohol in your home or not lending money, and explain them calmly. Boundaries are about looking after yourself, not punishing them.

When is someone's drinking an emergency?

Call 000 if they're unconscious or hard to wake, having a seizure, very confused, or talking about harming themselves or someone else.

If they drink heavily every day and want to stop, encourage them to talk to a doctor first, because stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Our guide to cutting down or stopping explains why.

If you don't feel safe because of someone's drinking, call 000 in an emergency, or 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, 24 hours a day.

How do I look after myself when someone I love drinks too much?

Supporting someone is hard, and your own wellbeing matters too. You don't need to wait for them to get help before you get some for yourself.

• Family Drug Support: 1300 368 186, 24 hours a day, for family and friends. They also run support groups.
• National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline: 1800 250 015, 24 hours a day, including for people worried about someone else.
• [Counselling Online](https://www.counsellingonline.org.au), for family and friends as well as people who drink.
• Your own GP, who can talk through how you're going and refer you for counselling if you need it.
• In the Illawarra, the local public Drug and Alcohol Service on 1300 652 226 also supports families and carers.

Take a break from supporting them when you need one, keep up the things that keep you well, and lean on people you trust. See counselling and support for more.